Monday, March 30, 2009

Sorority Sisters Conflict Resolution Secrets - College Students Conflict Dispute Resolution to Peace

Sorority sisters conflict & dispute resolution secrets. Resolve conflict with sorority sisters at your sorority house before things escalate and something worse happens. Conquer conflicts and reconcile with sorority sisters to ensure sorority success on your college campus.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership, overcoming adversity & conflict resolution!

Do we have to go to court over everything nowadays? Do we not have brains to work things out ourselves? Must we hold grudges for a lifetime? Isn't there a better way?

Going to court is becoming increasingly costly and often futile. Parties and individuals in conflict are therefore turning to alternative methods of dispute resolution - mediation and arbitration being two options.

Sorority sisters cultivating meaningful bonds and a college association through whom to network into their careers after graduation must learn how to communicate, work together, and move from confrontation to cooperation.

Here are 17 Secrets for Conflict Dispute Resolution for Sorority Sisters to Successfully Peace within and throughout their College Campus:

1. Consider conflict an opportunity not a curse

Conflict is a character building and interpersonal communications improvement opportunity. We all have blind spots, preconceived ideas, personal peculiarities and tendencies that can make us hard to deal with at times. Being able to identify other character types and communication styles is beneficial for sorority sisters, though it may not always be easy to endure at first.

Learn to respond to conflict naturally and with openness. Keep your ears and heart open to receive. In so doing you will disarm the aggressor and show yourself to be a reasonable human being. To do otherwise will only further antagonize the angered party and increase aggression and the erecting of walls between you. Sometimes as sorority sisters listen and ask for more information as to the true source of the conflict, sisters will find perhaps that what seemed to be the initial problem was merely superficial as they dig deeper into the real underlying problem eating at the person. In such situations conflict becomes a learning experience all of the sisters within the sorority, as well as leadership.

2. Respect and don't reject people regardless of your disagreement

Separate the person from the behavior. Remember we all come from different backgrounds, upbringings and environments that have shaped and molded us to be who we are today. We are all continually changing and evolving. Give sisters grace to grow as they come to a greater level of self-awareness. As you do and sisters discover how gracious you've been to them, they will become the most loyal employees you will ever have. This is true empowerment.

3. Acknowledge and confess any contributory negligence

Conflict always begins within. It is often bred within our own hearts and minds as we prematurely judge, falsely assume, erroneously jump to conclusions, and allow ourselves to become overly invested in our individual interests. Purity of heart and mind is obtained when we examine ourselves first before scrutinizing somebody else. We must judge ourselves first. We commonly however judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. This is to say we don't typically use fair weights, standards and measures when we judge others.

If sorority sisters would be brutally honest with themselves they would find that in every conflict they have somehow contributed to it be through what they have said, done or left unsaid and undone. Neglecting to affirm sisters after work well done is as negligent behavior as them forgetting to get the work done. We all hunger for recognition and praise. Leadership must honor and recognize sisters for their performance. If we don't recognize, someone else will. To avoid sisters departures from the sorority and high turnover, we must honor and acknowledge sisters' heartfelt efforts even when they fall short of perfection or our expectation.

Sometimes in the midst of all our efforts to be increasingly productive and profitable, we are not personable and can be offensive to our sisters. Recognize such times and apologize for being that way. By acknowledging and apologizing for wrong doing sisters leading the sorority are taking responsibility and encouraging everyone all sisters to be responsible. Confession brings freedom. Suddenly you will find many people begin to humble themselves and confess their own faults. It won't be long before everyone is reconciled and bonding again. Rest assured when this happens sorority sister morale and productivity will skyrocket. Where sorority sisters feel well they work well.

4. Step into greatness by overcoming evil with good

Forgive and extend a chance to be reconciled. After World War I the United States proved to be a society with enormous confidence in its achievements and in its future wherewith it mustered the dedication and the resources to strive for a world order in which defeated enemies would be conciliated, stricken allies restored, and adversaries converted. Because the United States took the higher ground endeavoring to reconcile, restore and convert its enemies after defeating them, it is today a world super power.

The stronger you are, the more gentle you can afford to be. Gentleness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of true strength. When you overcome evil with good, it disarms the wrongdoer to be transformed after which they are more likely to live up to your ideals and level of integrity.
5. Formulate what you want to say and how you will say it

Remember it is not only what you say, but how you say it. The manner and tone by a sister expresses herself will determine the level of receptivity with which she is received. Receiving constructive criticism is never easy, but it can be bearable if the sister giving it is kind, affirming and sincere. Start up soft, affirming the sister's good qualities and your working relationship before proceeding to find fault and correct. Build on strengths and proceed from a place of agreement. Compliment and praise before providing constructive criticism.

6. Value internal security over external security and acceptance

Be confident and congruent with what you say in conflict. Don't waver because of resistance or lack of acceptance. Be true to yourself. Avoid personalizing rejection concerning sorority decisions and objectives. Separate yourself personally from the sorority at large, when necessary to show each sister you genuinely care. Provide a personal pep talk when needed and useful to build a downcast sister feeling rejected.

7. Avoid premature assumptions

Premature and erroneous assumptions dwarf you, hinder employee morale and diminish the company. Don't believe it is so until you have first heard it from the horse's mouth. Avoid gossiping. Get things out in the open and speak face to face respectfully. Remember presumption is the great transgression (Psalm 19:12-13).

Before the days of U.S. President Reagan and Russian President Gorbachev's relationship, inherent ideologies and perceptions kept us apart. Communist ideology was at the heart of Stalin's approach to the world. Stalin regarded the Western capitalist powers as irrevocably hostile. The friction between the Soviet Union and America was therefore not the product of some misunderstanding or faulty communications between Washington and Moscow, but inherent in the Soviet Union's perception of the outside world.

George Kennan, an expert on Russia, examining the philosophical and conceptual framework for Stalin's foreign policy found in Russian rulers fear. At the bottom of the Kremlin's neurotic view of world affairs is the traditional and instinctive Russian sense of insecurity. To this was added, as Russia came into contact with the economically advanced West, a fear of more competent, more powerful, more highly organized societies. But this latter type of insecurity was one which afflicted Russian rulers rather than Russian people.

8. Speak with positive expectation believing the best

Stating your feelings and desire with positive expectation pulls people to the level of performance you desire. For example, "Sister Sally, you've always done a great job of giving your all in every account. As of late however you seem to not quite be yourself. Is there anything I can do to help? I desire to see you succeed and be your personal best. Know I am fully committed to you as you are to this company." Affirming a sister and your expectations of their success will endear a sister to you and cause them to want to live up to the sorority's wishes.

You get what you expect. Henry Kissinger, in his Diplomacy book, recognized the part faith played in the United States rise to becoming a global power. President Truman proclaimed his doctrine as "the policy of the United States to support free peoples who are resisting attempted subjugation by armed minorities or by outside pressures." The Truman Doctrine marked a watershed because once America had thrown down the moral gauntlet, the kind of Realpolitik Stalin understood best would be forever at an end.

Anchored to a platform of social and economic reform, the United States announced that it would oppose not only any government but any organization that impeded the process of European recovery.

Only a country as idealistic, as pioneering, and as relatively inexperienced as the United States could have advanced a plan for global economic recovery based solely on its own resources. ...Great enterprises are often driven by a touch of naivete.

9. Practice active listening, offering reflections

Listen attentively and reflect back what you are hearing the person saying. Reiterate and seek to clarify that you are hearing correctly. By doing so, you give a sister an opportunity to double her feedback to you and accurately convey both her thoughts and feelings. Provide inclusive summaries stating your take on what a sister is saying (according to your interpretation) after you've fully heard them.

Follow the emotional heat alongside the content being mentioned. Intense emotional tones accompany the most important content clueing you in on where you need to place additional emphasis and attention. Upon locating the emotional heat, ask for more information and investigate further while proceeding with sensitivity.

Proactive listening is accompanied with nonverbal cues and body language that affirm your genuine interest. For example, you could lean forward attentively. Avoid folding your arms as if to display disinterest or disagreement. Nodding your head also shows a sister you are genuinely absorbing and taking in all that is being said by her. This is not to say you have to necessarily agree with what you are hearing, but by listening you can affirm the person. Highlight the choice points you heard made throughout the conversation and welcome any suggestions to alleviate the conflict. This will often open up a sister to likewise hear from you in regard to the matter.
10. Prefer and encourage cooperation and collaboration over competition

AOL's negotiator, David Colburn, showed what can be done when he chose not to vilify the competition. I first studied this landmark case prepared by Professor James Sebenius with the author while studying Strategic Negotiation and Dealmaking at Harvard Business School.

AOL"s relationship with Microsoft was overwhelmingly hostile during the browser wars. In the early 1990's, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, had been the single largest shareholder in AOL with a 29% stake. Allen wanted to take over AOL but was stopped in his tracks by Steve Case CEO of AOL. At the time, Bill Gates turned up the heat on Steve Case, telling him: "I can buy 20% of you or I can buy all of you. Or I can go into this business myself and bury you." Two months later Microsoft unveiled MSN and became AOL's most formidable direct competitor. Gates was demonized within AOL and a hostile relationship developed between the companies.

The media and information technology journalists had dubbed AOL the Internet for slow learners. Steve Case desperately wanted to license the Navigator browser because a link to Netscape would gild AOL's tarnished technological image.

AOL's lead negotiator, David Colburn, who had only joined the firm in September 1995, was not hostile toward Microsoft. Colburn therefore was able to look for the better deal for AOL and assess what the market had to meet AOL's needs. As it turned out Colburn brilliantly did some double dealmaking with both Netscape and Microsoft. AOL would pay Netscape a significant per copy fee to license Navigator which would become the "preferred" browser for AOL subscribers under a non-exclusive agreement. In return, AOL would have a prominent presence on the Netscape website and both companies would engage in cross-promotional activities. That day AOL stock rose 10%.

The very evening AOL inked a much bigger deal with Microsoft. AOL would not have to pay Microsoft a penny for Explorer - saving it millions. AOL client software would be bundled with Windows 95 allowing costless distribution to 50 million PC users a year. This free distribution and promotion via Windows represented a marketing coup because, until now, AOL had had to spend $40-$80 to attract each new subscriber.

MSN suddenly became a casualty of the AOL-Microsoft deal. Demonstrating daring strategic flexibility, Gates sacrificed much of his firm's investment in MSN to fight Netscape's threat to Microsoft's core assets. The biggest win for Microsoft was that Explorer would be the virtually exclusive "default" browser for AOL's rapidly growing subscriber base. Shutting Netscape out of this large market segment was a triumph not to be underestimated.

Cooperation does not mean an end to competition. As for our differences, we will not do away with them, but we can deal with them more constructively and creatively to build win-win relationships.

Conflict resolution is about facilitating and sustaining daily cooperation. Interpersonal conflict that we encounter every day can seem to be an insurmountable obstacle: attacks and counterattacks, anger and suspicion, ingrained habits of hard bargaining, interests that appear irreconcilable, and efforts to win through intimidation and power plays. Cooperation and collaboration on the other hand can stimulate creativity, increase profitability, lead to profound results and produce lifelong partnerships among sisters in the sorority.
11. Practice diplomacy

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way. Women are great at this. One grandmother advised her grand-daughter: "Make him run after you until you catch him."

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Learn how to frame an issue to favor your opponent's objectives and appear most suitable to them. This is how you build win-win relationships and forge partnerships that endure within your sorority.

Make the sisters within your sorority feel it is in their best interest to work with you and that it is their highest privilege to do so. Remind the sisters of how they will benefit from their heartfelt contribution, remembering every sister wants to advance her own interests simultaneously while serving the sorority.
12. Focus on problem solving and welcome outside input

As a sorority sister, you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Be honestly open to accept influence and consider another sister's position. Reflect such openness in your body language when listening. Albert Einstein said: "It is people who make me seasick-not the sea. But I'm afraid that science is yet to find a solution for this ailment." Solutions come when we actively pursue them together rather than fight one another. We all have blind spots and different perspectives. When we work together we all see more clearly and become more powerful. None of us are as strong as all of us.

13. Remember in conflict you can win a battle and lose the war.

Albert Einstein said: "As long as there will be man, there will be wars."
War is becoming an increasingly expensive and inconclusive way of handling acute conflicts. In an age of deadly weaponry, even bitter enemies must often learn to work together in order to survive.

Henry Kissinger in his book Diplomacy cites the aftermath of World War I. Once war had been declared, and as the streets of European capitals filled with cheering throngs, the conflict ceased being a conflict of chancelleries and turned into a struggle of the masses. After the first two years of the war, each side was stating terms incompatible with any notion of equilibrium.

What proved beyond everyone's imagination was that both sides would win and lost at the same time: that Germany would defeat Russia and seriously weaken both France and England; but that, in the end, the Western Allies, with America's indispensable assistance, would emerge as the victors. The aftermath of World War I was social upheaval, the enemy being strengthened geopolitically, ideological conflict, countless young men's lives sacrificed and another world war.

14. Celebrate diversity and authenticity - diversity in thought, expression, professionalism, problem solving, interpersonal communication and way of life

Einstein said further: "Common convictions and aims, similar interests, will in every society produce groups that, in a certain sense, act as units. There will always be friction between such groups-the same sort of aversion and rivalry that exists between individuals.... In my opinion, uniformity in a population would not be desirable, even if it were attainable."

15. Cultivate a culture of peace and preferring one another

By cultivating a culture of peace, patience, and tolerance for every sister will be the result. Where there is patience, unconditional love and acceptance is not far behind. Such an environment makes sisters feel safe, thrive, come alive and be increasingly creative and productive for the good of the sorority.

By preferring one another over ourselves, we give way to a spirit of generosity and brotherhood which causes a team mentality to arise. Less of me more of we. When we think like this the organization's well being as a whole is thought of before that of the individual. Ask not what your sorority can do for you, ask what you can do for your sorority. Win-win relationships and interactions are then forged which bring about mutually inclusive benefits for all.
16. Maintain a sense of humor and unconditional acceptance

As successful marriages show us, you don't have to always resolve your disagreements and conflicts to thrive. When you welcome people into your world they bring their peculiarities and problems along with them. Where there are no oxen the stall is, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox. Sometimes you have to accept people as they are, realizing they may never change.

Matters of personal preference do not need to take preeminence in your working relationship. As the old adage goes there are many ways to skin a cat. Each of us prioritize differently. Keep things in their proper place and don't unnecessarily take offense at another's approach, manner of reasoning or way of logically (or illogically) processing a situation. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. Employ your sense of humor and unconditional acceptance of others and you will get far greater results and work productivity from your staff at the end of the day. Sisters want to be acknowledged as individuals apart from their performance. Problems are inevitable. Celebrate and empower sisters despite their peculiarities and occasional mistakes. As you do and show yourself forgiving, you will see sisters go the extra mile for you to solve the sorority's problems.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Have a good laugh to diffuse the tension, disarm people and reunite with all involved.

17. Be merciful

Anyone can hold a grudge. It takes a quality person to rise above the offense, extend mercy and overlook it. Practice the art of pardoning and refuse to hold past resentments. Forgive and live!

Bitterness is a heavy burden that eats away at everyone involve and further spreads to infest all around you. It's not worth carrying or perpetuating. As Shakespeare acknowledged mercy is twice blessed. It blesses the sister that gives it and the recipient that takes it.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership, overcoming adversity & conflict resolution!

Paul is an exceptional and frequently requested speaker for college student success, leadership, orientations, and to kickoff college events.

Paul's 17 life-changing books have landed him celebrity guest appearances on Fox News Radio, Investor's Business Daily, and 3 times on Oprah & Friends.

After a 45 minute interview on Playboy Radio, Afternoon Advice host Tiffany Granath calls Paul an awesome relational coach and recommends his books on love, dating, and sexuality.

Paul's academic success & leadership secrets for college students are unparalleled and greatly empowering. Paul has a history of overcoming adversity, building bridges cross-culturally, cultivating diversity awareness, while empowering college students to discover their destiny and live their dreams.

A master in NLP & life coaching; Paul's humorous, fun, playful and transformative messages graciously challenge college students to ask themselves hard questions and be their personal best.

As a former high-school senior class teacher, Paul understands the challenges facing incoming college students. Moreover Paul personally knows what transfer students go through as he himself attended a community college where he graduated with a 3.8 GPA before entering UCF, where he graduated Cum Laude. As a worldwide professional speaker Paul has touched more than 50 countries and 6 continents, greatly inspiring international students throughout the world.

Paul worked at Ground Zero in NYC during 9/11; helped rebuild a home at the tsunami epicenter; comforted victims of genocide in Rwanda; spoke to leaders in East Timor during the war; inspired students & monks in Myanmar; promoted peace & reconciliation in Pakistan; and has been deep into rural Africa where villagers had never before seen a white man.

Paul empowers people to love passionately, work together globally, and live their dreams fearlessly.


No comments: